By singing Charlie Puth’s “See You Again” alongside the entirety of the Upper School (US) community and encouraging students to “burn” their fears in fake fire, self-proclaimed “Fear Collector” Darryl Bellamy Jr. invoked reflection on topics like mental health and anxiety. On Wednesday, Nov. 13, Mr. Bellamy spoke to students at a US assembly about fear. Mr. Bellamy opened his talk with a question for the audience.
“By show of hands, how many of you have ever felt, or at any point had, fear, worry, or uncertainty in your lives?”
The blunt question didn’t garner an enthusiastic response from the crowd. This prompted Mr. Bellamy to rush into the audience and comb through rows of students for raised hands. Mr. Bellamy eventually encouraged participation by sharing a personal anecdote. Explaining his narrow loss in his college’s student body election to hundreds of critical teenagers might have been painful, but he did it anyway.
“I see some of the same fears over and over again and, what we think is if we share these fears that we’ll be seen as weak or inadequate, but it’s actually the opposite,” he said. “The more we’re able to share those things, we learn that we’re more connected than we think.”
Mr. Bellamy asked students to write their fears down and “burn” them. Then, he read some aloud: “I fear that the college process isn’t going to go well for me. Fear of failure or not meeting my personal expectations. I fear that I will never truly love myself.”
To overcome these fears, Mr. Bellamy offered his audience a solution: trace, embrace, and grace.
“After we trace and get those things out of our head, after we embrace and take action while scared comes the one that most of us struggle with most: giving ourselves and others a little bit more grace.”
As a final activity, Mr. Bellamy challenged students to try not to smile while singing “See You Again.” “When you were looking up and smiling, it was hard to be sad,” he said.
Ben Narasimhan ’26 thought Mr. Bellamy was an engaging speaker.
“I thought it was super inspiring,” he said.
“I really like the energy he brought. He did a good job of getting people out of their comfort zone a little bit, and it was definitely nice to share and talk about stuff with the people around you.”
Health and Wellness Teacher and Curriculum Coordinator Dawn McGrath organized Mr. Bellamy’s visit.
“A group of educators across the three campuses saw Mr. Bellamy speak at the Association of Independent Schools of New England (AISNE) Health and Wellness conference at the end of last year, and he was so dynamic at that event,” she said.
“As soon as he was done speaking, we all turned to each other at the same time and said, ‘We really want him to come speak to the students at BB&N.’”
Mr. Bellamy spoke to students at all three campuses on Nov. 13.
“I was at all three of his presentations that day, and so he actually did a little bit of different stuff with the different age levels, which was really nice to see,” she said. “Not only was he engaging and fun, but he really took the audience into consideration.”
Ms. McGrath said that, even beginning at a young age, students at the school share similar fears.
“We’re hearing from Upper School students constantly about the pressure of what it takes to succeed, like going on to college, but we actually hear that even students all the way down at the Lower School are thinking about those same things.” Ms. McGrath said
Mr. Bellamy’s speech was a step toward mental health awareness at the school, but there is still work to be done.
“This year, BB&N is really working on thriving as a community, and so understanding that our shared experiences allow us to see each other’s humanity, like Mr. Bellamy was able to express, is so powerful,” she said.
“I would say this talk was one step in many that we need to take, but my hope is that it resonated with students and that we are able to come together as a community together and have fun more often.”
Amelia Shaywitz ’25 agreed.
“I think the talk was good at showing everybody that everyone around them is equally stressed out,” she said. “I think it hopefully is going to show more people that the people around them are also struggling.”
Although Amelia acknowledged that the school has mental health resources, she said feeling stressed is unavoidable. “The school has counselors that offer help to students, but a lot of the time, it’s not just the need to speak with someone as much as just the stressful nature of the school. I think one could describe it as a pressure cooker.”
There isn’t much faculty or administrators can do to decrease competition at the school, she said.
“They need to keep the academic rigor and name of the school.”
Tia Reddy ’26 said although the school can be stressful, healthy competition can be useful. “Finding ways to handle stress and getting comfortable with uncertainty and being out of our comfort zone is an important life skill,” she said. “I think the school can be a stressful place, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The reason people want to come here is because they know that other people are working hard and will pull each other up. The school is providing resources and doing the right thing, which shows that they care about mental health and are actively taking steps toward aiding it”
