Love is cold comfort

Charlotte Winton

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be in
love, look no further. I may be young, but I am
confident that the love I have experienced is as real
as it gets. It all started with my brother’s friend from
high school, who was at my house practically every
day. (Don’t worry—it’s not what you think.) He
generously wanted to thank my parents for having
him over all the time, so he sent us a huge box of
Graeter’s Mocha Chip ice cream.
As soon as I got my hands on it, it was love at first
You see, to me, ice cream isn’t just a dessert—it’s
too good to be categorized with cake, brownies, and
cookies. Ice cream is a reward, energy, happiness.
But Graeter’s Mocha Chip is truly on another level.
I even downloaded Yelp and made an account just
to write a page-long review praising it. But don’t be
fooled—I am not writing this to convince you to try
it, and to be quite honest, I am secretly hoping you
won’t, considering I must already drive to several
different stores just to find one with mocha chip
in stock (and if that doesn’t work, I order it online,
paying an absurd $30 for shipping). It’s just that
good. Man, the things I do for love.
When I am watching Netflix by myself on a Friday
night—mocha chip is there for me. When the crew
team somehow wins a race against Winsor—mocha
chip is there for me and down to celebrate. When I
am up until 3 a.m. doing homework and I can barely
keep my eyes open—mocha chip is there to motivate
and energize me.
Of course, an obsession like this is
hard to shield from my family. There’s
a famous story (and accompanying
video that resurfaces every few
months) in my family about the
“mocha chip meltdown” I had back
when I was 14—embarrassingly
old for a tantrum, I know. Pretty
much what happened was I had
been saving the last few scoops
of mocha chip ice cream for
a whole week, restraining
myself from eating it so I could
reward myself for all my hard
work later. After an exhausting day, I got home,
showered, put on my favorite pajamas, and skipped
into the kitchen, excited to devour the ice cream I
had been craving for so long. I looked in the back of
the freezer under the bag of frozen berries where I
had hidden the last pint, only to find nothing there.
My heart stopped and my mind raced as I
hypothesized what had happened, but I didn’t
believe someone so close to me would do such a
thing. I stormed into the living room to find my older
brother, Fuller, eating the last spoonful of my mocha
chip. I didn’t hold back any screams. And what made
it worse was that he didn’t care—he knew I’d wanted
that ice cream. I brought the weeping party upstairs
in hopes of finding a more caring sibling, and I did.
Kinda. Both Hank and Lucia were very comforting
at first and suffocated me with hugs thinking
something horrible had happened. But when I told
them about the ice cream, all hopes of comfort were
lost as they let out screams of hysterical laughter
and subtle exchanges of concerned looks. Although
this was a low moment in my history of tantrums, I
think we can all agree that it validates my passionate
love for ice cream.
Now that I’ve established myself as a true ice
cream connoisseur, I will review a few different
coffee/mocha chip brands. First up we have HäagenDaz’s Coffee Chip. I’ll give it to them—it’s not bad!
Overall, 6.5/10. The title, “chip” instead of “chunk,”
is where it loses points; strong chocolate game is
everything. Next we have Talenti’s Coffee Chocolate
Chip gelato, which deserves a respectable 8.25/10
for its smooth texture. I’m not usually a big gelato
fan, but I like to mix it up every once in a while. I
can’t leave out Ben and Jerry’s, so for their Coffee
Coffee BuzzBuzzBuzz! flavor, I give them an 8.75/10
because it’s a little bit creamier than Häagen-Daz.
And finally, we have Breyer’s Coffee. To be honest, I
was pretty disappointed because I loved their mint
chip as a kid, but coffee is not their strong suit:
2.8/10. The taste wasn’t for me, but this flavor is
gluten-free, so good for them.
Of course, it only feels right to give Graeter’s
Mocha Chip a 14/10. Its chocolate chunks are
massive and somehow melt in your mouth even
though they’re lodged inside freezing cream.
I know. I’m lucky to have found true love at such
a young age. I hope you can, too. Just maybe check
out Graeters’ other flavors so that the mocha chip
doesn’t run out.