To the Editor:
I’m not sure you will print this letter because it concerns your scurrilous journalistic competitor, The Mouthguard. My letter is about its recent article that exposes me as a secret Uber driver in a ploy to improve my tag quiz success. Based on their error-plagued article about me, I don’t trust The Mouthguard, so I am writing to The Vanguard to correct and complete the story.
To start, The Mouthguard reporters were right on one thing: I did get that Uber job as a means to tag more kids in my Geometry class. But the article never said WHY I did that. It’s because all my students had created a group text, in which they alerted each other of my whereabouts every second of the day. I was tagging no one! The kids were so certain they could avoid me that they were NOT EVEN LEARNING THEIR THEOREMS!!! Something had to be done.
So I began to bike to school each day. Why? So no one would recognize my car when I’d drive for Uber, and my plan worked!
The Mouthguard claimed that my successes were rare, but no one knew my car, so I easily tagged countless students en route to Harvard Square. There was another big inaccuracy: my five-star rating. I used to have a five-star rating, but every BB&N student I tagged was so upset, they each gave me a one-star rating. That was not very nice. What about the “kindness” part of the school motto? Plus, I gave them very good rides. So what if I multi-tasked and threw a few tag quizzes in there at the same time?
I trust you will publish this letter and set the record straight. Oh, one more thing. The Mouthguard was right about Lyft’s quiz-free ride guarantee. I strongly encourage ALL MY STUDENTS to use Lyft. I hear that Igut Yu is a really good Lyft driver.