Features

Predictions for 2013

By Jake Kuhn and Erica Pandey

Talk about the eighties all you want, but it wasn’t just neon spandex, perms, and John Hughes movies. Our 1985 BB&N counterparts had some thoughts for the future, too. They were forward-thinking individuals who had a knack for predicting the future. Just take a look at these projections for 2013 printed in a May, 1985, issue of The Vanguard.

“BB&N will have issued new student party guidelines. The school will enforce Kool-Aid as the party beverage, and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey will be the only permitted co-ed party activity.” From what we’ve seen on Twitter (Friday, 8pm: “Color War points to any $#%! &* that throws down tonight!”) and Facebook (Sunday, 11am: 300 new muploads uploaded to the album “Last Friday Knight”), pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey is but one of many co-ed activities at student parties.

“A BB&N graduate will develop the technology for anyone to take the SATs using a #1 or #3 pencil.” Wishful thinking, as Ms. Tabb still has to send out 12 emails and make 19 announcements begging students to bring their #2 pencils. Does anyone even use pencil sharpeners anymore?

“Leonard Nimoy will host the popular new television program ‘In Search of My Car Keys.’” We can find our car keys fine, especially because of the gold and blue lanyards hanging out of our pockets. But one of these days, we might not be able to find our cars—was it towed from the boathouse? Or was there another break-in right next to the school?

“Jeff Kalil will be President of the United States.” That didn’t work out so well, but maybe Thomas Hislop ’13 will have some luck if he campaigns eight more times.

“The Soviet Union will send spies to the U.S. to steal the secret formula of Frosted Flakes from Tony the Tiger.” Give it to them; all we care about is keeping the Sun Butter recipe for ourselves. Wait…

“There will be a massive surplus of energy. The speed limit will be 5,000 miles per hour, and sleeping will be illegal.” Well, we’re running low on fossil fuels, and we’re not sure anything will help the environmental meltdown—wait, scratch that. At least we have the annual trashion show! As for sleeping, by the look of students during exam week, sleeping might actually be illegal.

Now that we’ve finally reached 2013, we thought we’d try some predictions for 2041, another 28 years in the future. Maybe we’ll have better luck than our 1985 counterparts.

BB&N will continue to serve up delicious lunches, except Old-Fashioned-Beef Soup will become Really Old-Fashioned-Beef Soup. Yum.
Have you seen our school lately? We’re smokin’. At this rate, we will have beaten Nobles for Most Attractive in the ISL.

Some Harvard dropouts will have invented new forms of social media over which students can complain about how they’re not doing homework.
Elana Sulakshana ’13 will have cleaned up the Charles, and Pierre Chiha will start to take senior pictures underwater.

Sophomores will still be pulling their hair out over Physics—let’s get real, simple harmonic motion won’t ever make sense.
Wow—2041 will be a crazy, exhilarating year. But it’s hard to imagine that one day, some snarky BB&N seniors will poke fun at Taylor Swift, Lululemon yoga pants, and our own lack of clairvoyance. So for now, let’s enjoy 2013.

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