Oh, Valentine’s Day, what a wonderful holiday, am I right? Friends, partners, and peers unite in festive celebration of love. What could go wrong? Well, folks, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I will tell you—using some don’ts inspired by just a few love-related misadventures.
Number one. Don’t “like” your crush’s Instagram from many months ago. This is a huge no-no that most of our generation can relate to. We’ve all done it. All it takes is a simple tap of the finger, and BAM, your day is ruined and your life is filled with regret. Just be extremely cautious when scrolling through your potential boo’s page.
Number two. Don’t hit your crush in the face. As an awkward but thriving tween at the ripe age of 11, I was perching on a huge, wooden swing at my neighbor’s house and being pushed by my Prince Charming. How cute, right? Until he looked away for a split second and suddenly the giant wooden plank and I were coming full swing at his head. Struck by this massive blow to the face, he fell down, bleeding, and we proceeded to sit in tense, awkward silence until his father arrived to bring him home. Needless to say, this put a damper on our future together.
Number three. Don’t try on a too-small dress in the fitting room of Abercrombie. Fortunately, this happened not to me but to my friend, who loves to tell this hilariously embarrassing story. After catching the eye of a cute Abercrombie employee she happened to know from her school, she walked into the fitting room ready to try on a foxy dress. All was going well until she attempted to take the dress off and realized that the zipper was stuck and the dress was too tight to budge. Realizing this, she quickly called on her mom for help. But they needed more hands. Her mom, epitomizing the classic oblivious parent, pulled her out into the main store to the cute employee, without taking into account her daughter’s inevitable embarrassment. They all tried their best to pry the cotton off of her body and finally resorted to cutting the dress off with scissors. This mortifying experience did not bode well for my friend’s relationship.
Number four. Don’t wave at your crush by accident. An undeniably awkward experience will always come from a rogue wave “hello.” One day, I was just minding my own business when I looked up and saw my crush waving at me. What a nice surprise! I waved back, flashing a quick but effective smile, and was about to go back to my own business when I noticed the confusion in his face. I realized that standing directly behind me was his friend, the intended target of his wave. Oof. I tried to play it off like my wave was just head-scratching, so I repeatedly scratched my head to affirm this, but ultimately, I probably looked like a crazy person with a head full of lice and poor social skills.
Number five. Don’t accidently say “I love you” to a stranger, like the shuttle driver. I know, the season of love can make you say things you don’t mean, even to random acquaintances, but I think we can all agree that this blunder makes both parties uncomfortable. Saying goodbye to a loved one with an affectionate salutation is a sweet habit until you grow so accustomed to it that you don’t know when you’re saying it. This happened to one of my dear peers, who now remembers the humiliating discomfort daily on her ride to and from Fourth Lot. Yikes!
Number six. Don’t accidentally send a text to your boo talking about how annoyed you are at them. I did this at the break of morning, when I had just awoken from a deep sleep, and clearly, I was not fully functional yet. Reminded of some drama from the previous night, I had cracked open my phone and crafted a somewhat lengthy, scathing text meant for my friends about person X. I don’t know how, but by some act of the devil, I accidently sent the text directly to person X. As soon as I realized what I had done, my jaw dropped, an audible gasp escaped my mouth, and my hand flew to my forehead. Lesson learned. Don’t send angry texts in the morning, and definitely double check who the recipient is.
Well, BB&N, I hope your love lives this Valentine’s Day go better than mine has. I am wishing all of you the best of luck this Tuesday and sincerely hope nothing remotely awkward or embarrassing occurs. See you next edition when we talk about fashion faux-pas!