Fashion backward

Hello my fellow BB&N’ers. What a bittersweet moment in my columnist existence—the last issue of the volume! Well, despite my nostalgia, I am ready to dive into my final list of “don’ts,” which will be some fashion-related mistakes I have made and would 10/10 not recommend.

Number one. Don’t overdo the ripped jeans look. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for ripped jeans. I even like those jeans that consist of a small amount of fabric at the top, a gaping hole the length of a torso, and then a little more fabric around the ankle. However, I’ve had personal experience with a pair of black ripped jeans that just kept ripping. At first, I welcomed this; it just made my pants even funkier. But the pants soon started to rip everywhere. I tried my best to hold on, but eventually I had to say goodbye. There were so many “accidental” rips that I could no longer pull off the jeans without looking a little homeless. These same jeans now lie, crumpled and sad, in the corner of a dark hole that is my closet (RIP).

Number two. Don’t tape jewelry to your body. This one is not as weird as it sounds, I swear. I hate having a necklace that is perfect with my outfit but not the right length. So, when I one day ran into this predicament, my inventive solution was to tape it up on the back of my neck to make it shorter. It worked pretty well, and while my hair covered it, nobody noticed the difference! But, alas, eventually I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and forgot about the whole tape situation going on in the back. I can only imagine what people thought as they looked at my messy and confusing contraption. Oh, and unsticking that from my neck at the end of the night is a whole other story of pain and regret, as I am sure you can imagine.

Number three. Don’t make your own choker necklace. Even the word “choker” sounds dangerous and perilous. But we youths are always trying to keep up with the trends, and sometimes they just move too quickly! When, all of a sudden, wearing a ribbon around your neck became “fashion-forward,” I simply did not have the time or patience to go out and purchase a real, patented choker. So, being frugal and ingenious, I decided to take one of my old headbands and tie it back behind my neck. This didn’t go as well as I had planned; I ended up feeling hyperaware of this odd piece of fabric pulled tight around my jugular and didn’t really have the hipster, care-free style needed to pull it off. It was a nice thought, but, in retrospect, I probably would have been happier if I had just gone to Forever 21 and bought one for $3.

Number four. Don’t shun the groutfit—in other words, do wear a groutfit. This fashion “no-no” should never be considered a “no-no” in my book. Some of my best days ever have been while I was wearing big ol’ gray sweatpants and a nice baggy gray sweatshirt. So much comfort in one outfit! So versatile! So much room for activities!

Number five. Don’t forget to brush your hair in the morning. In my usual morning rush, full of panic and laziness, I sometimes just give a little shrug to the mirror and let my hair do its thing au natural. This leads to quite the messy look, but again, maybe this should be in the “do” category, because who doesn’t want to feel wild, free, and a little bit edgy?

Number six. Don’t wear an outfit that matches the decor of a room. This is tough because it’s so random and unlikely. But, sadly, one of my favorite floral-print tops once had striking similarities to a window curtain at a restaurant where I was dining. As soon as I walked in, I noticed the unfortunate resemblance. The curtain seemed to be staring me down, as if it was trying to beat me out in a game of “who wore it best.” And worst of all, I think it was winning. Oh man. This was a hard blow to my confidence as I was (almost) literally wearing the window curtain as a shirt. I guess just beware that this can and does happen. It never hurts to bring an extra sweater along when you’re rocking a floral print.

Well, my esteemed peers and friends, this concludes the final edition of the Bucky List. It has been a wonderful ride! I wish you all the best in your fashionista futures and all other aspects of your life.

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